Work? Family?

We've been through so much together.  We've lost parents together, and spouses and boyfriends and even one of our own.

We've had tragedies.  Someone was shot.  Someone we care about did something unthinkable.   We've lost homes to tornados and had cancer scares.

We've celebrated birthdays, new babies, weddings, graduations and new jobs.  We've said goodbye to some who were a part of us as they've gone on to bigger and better things.

It's unusual, I think, the family I've found in my employees/co-workers.  The support, the love, the weird butt slaps and inside jokes (she need trainin') that somehow are all ok because we get each other.

The flowers I received on the first anniversary of my mother's death, letting me know they knew it would be a hard day.

The notes I've received from several employees that have lifted my spirits and made me believe that maybe I make a difference, even though I'm "just a restaurant manager"

The dinners, the drinks, football and wings, dressing up for Halloween, homemade christmas gifts and our christmas party.  All of these things I think about when I count my blessings for having such a great workplace.

I get sad when I think if those who will leave me, and how one day, things won't be the same.  There will be new faces and although I will grow to love them, there is something about this bunch that just clicks.  That just makes work feel like home.

I don't know what brought this to mind except that we are going through something hard once again.  And my phone goes off as I chat with them about this, as we try to make sense of things. Our hearts have been broken together and healed again so many times.  There is nothing like my blue plate family.

I didn't sleep well last night...

It's 12:30 pm and I'm on my third cup of coffee (for those of you who read something on facebook about giving up caffeine, please move on).  I didn't sleep well last night. I'm tired, but for once I don't really mind.

I worked a lot last week.  A lot.  I wasn't home any night except for Monday. I didn't see my kids.  My husband was exhausted.  I spent the entire day yesterday trying to think of a way to take the kids away for the day/night so he could get a break, and I could spend some time with them.

I finally settled on staying in a local hotel with an indoor pool.  This gets us away for the night, and it gave Drew a chance to practice his new swimming skills.

I was a little nervous.  Drew and I haven't been seeing eye to eye lately.  He has been testing me on everything.  Throwing fits.  Screaming.

But, we had a great day.  All three boys were extra good and we just enjoyed each other's company without any sort of agenda or to do list, which seems rare lately.  It seems silly, staying in a hotel room in your own city, but we really had the best time.  Drew asked if we could go on this trip again tomorrow!

My favorite part was bedtime.  The older boys had a bed, and Drew and I had the other.  We have slept together plenty of times.  It is never super pleasant and usually involves me begging him to settle down and then turning my back to him, hoping ignoring him will make him go to sleep.

Last night, when it was time to go to bed, he said, "Mom, can we snuggle up together?"  And when I crawled into bed with him, he wiggled into my side and put his sweet little arm around me the best he could.  I watched him fall asleep.  And even after he was asleep, I stayed awake, thinking about that little arm.

I actually felt my eyes fill with tears as I thought about how my "snuggling up" days with him would be ending sooner than I liked.  Pretty soon, he'll be Luke's age, where I have to demand my snuggles, sneak my snuggles.

Then he'll be Chris's age, and those little arms will be muscular and growing by the minute.  And he'll be asking for a cell phone and hanging out with friends.  Those arms will be used to constantly "whip and nae nae" and generally be annoying as much as possible (or whatever horrible dance move is invented by then).

Then he'll be hugging girls with that arm, and one day a wife with that arm.  And hopefully one day, he will have a sweet baby who wants to snuggle up with him.

His entire life flashed before my eyes and I felt all the stress from the past few weeks with him melt away.  I just held him, trying to soak in enough for the rest of my life.