Goodbye 2014

I ended the year in quite fittingly.  Sick and in bed.  Like 2014 just had to remind me, (like I had forgotten) what a bitch she was.  (Why did I have to make it a female??  I don't know, but in my experience, girls that are mean are way, way meaner than any a-hole guy).

I was asleep at 5:00.  Then back awake and reading, then back asleep by 9:00.  Let's be honest, I would have slept the entire time if my house didn't sound like someone was being murdered in here.  (I really turned my fan off to try and pinpoint the sound, which seemed to me like the screams of a woman being stabbed. It was the toy dinosaur Drew got for Christmas)

And right on cue, I woke up at 4:30 am.  I complain about Drew's internal timer but he gets it from me!

As I sat in the dark, willing my body to go back to sleep, I couldn't help but think about 2014.  Trying to think of something nice to say about her, cause like momma said, if you don't have anything nice to say...

January started off filled with hope.  I had lost some weight in 2013, was getting in shape at the gym.  Then I started having some back pain, and backed off the exercise, started seeing a chiropractor.

February is when my mother received her cancer diagnosis.  I will spare you the details of  Feb-May, because you have all read it, over and over, on this blog.  But she died on May 7th and changed my life forever.

The rest of the year is a blur.  A whirlwind of grief and day-by-day surviving. My sweet nephew was born in July.   Went to the beach later in July to spread her ashes.   A wine tasting trip with my best friends for my 33 birthday in September.

November brought a job offer for Jimmy.

December brought Christmas, my favorite time of year.  It was hard though.  As it got closer and closer to Christmas, the more it hurt.  Frequent crying jags were common, mostly on my way to work when there wasn't anyone in the car to distract me.

But I survived.  I made it though 7 months without my mom.  And now I have another year to go through without her

There were some bright spots, Emmett's birth, Jimmy's new job.  I saw my friends more.  I had so, so many people supporting me and my family.  I have never felt alone in all of this.  I always felt like there was someone to turn to.  I am so blessed.

2015?  I have some resolutions.  They are all your typical ones- lose weight, pay off debt, etc.  I just want to be the best version of my self that I can be.  I want to be healthy for my children and my future.  I want to focus less on the things that don't matter- the material things that I worry about, the things I feel like we don't "measure up" to.  I compare the things we have to the things others have and I often feel like we come up short.

But none of that matters, because I look back on my childhood with fondness, and we have far, far less than my children have.

So for 2015, I am going to continue to improve myself.  I am going to be thankful for the things I have.  I am going to continue missing my mom, this year and every year to come.

Happy New Year!