Today it happened...

I finally had a happy memory of mom pop up in my head.  For the past few months, the only things in my mind have been her last few months.  I would try and try to dig into my memory to find a happy memory and I came up blank.  Like my previous 31 years and 8 months with her didn't exist.  As if the my entire relationship with my mother was from the moment she said, "I have cancer" to the moment she died.

But today, I was driving towards downtown.  And it always makes me sad to drive there, because she worked there, and sometimes I would see her walking around the square when I would drive past.  She worked at Martinson and Beason as a runner. It was a job she loved and hated all at the same time.  She worked there for a long time, and many of the people she worked with were like family to her.

Today, I suddenly remembered the day she got the job.  It was a very long time ago.  She had been trying to find the right job for a long time.  She had tried working 3rd shift for awhile, so that she could keep Chris for us while I worked.  She had tried other jobs too, but nothing was a good fit.  She was excited about this interview, and nervous.  I knew she had no reason to be nervous, because a "runner" position at a law firm would be very easy for her.  She was smarter than that job, and I thought deserved more than that job, but it was what she wanted.

The day she got the job, I was working at Rolo's.  She came in to see me and was just so excited.  I can see her face and how proud she was.

So very blessed to have this memory today.  And hopeful that more happy thoughts will slip through, and that when I close my eyes to go to sleep tonight, I will see her proud, smiling face instead of her last gasps for breath.