Priorities and blessings.

I always go to work.  I go to work sick.  I don't stay home with sick kids unless they are REALLY sick.  I've never taken a day off, "just because".  It's my thing.  My job is my responsibility.   I am a slight control freak, and I like to know that things are being handled and everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing.  And I worry when I'm not there.  I think it's a sickness.

My sister called called me at work yesterday.   Upset.  Crying.  Mom was having a lot of trouble breathing.  She was scared. Could I please leave work?

I ran.  Ran to my car.  Sped to my mom's. Fear in my heart the entire time.  Afraid I wouldn't make it.  In that instance,  I knew I would never forgive myself if I was working when she died.   If I wasn't there, taking care of her.  That is where I need to be now.  Helping her. Loving her.

So I've taken a leave of absence. I am very blessed to have a boss who has basically said, "whatever you need".  I am so blessed to have a husband who has said, "I'll handle everything at home".  So blessed to have friends and family like I have.  People bringing food for my family, handing me money for my mom, listening to my fears and not running from my tears.  People who are reading this right now, and caring about what I am going through.   So I thank every one of you and love you all.

Mom got some rest last night.  She's been having difficulty swallowing pills so they've given her a pain patch.  Between that and the pain meds I'm crushing up and putting in ice cream, she seems a little more comfortable.  Watching her breathe is hard. Her breathes seem very shallow and she takes one breath to three of mine.  I pray for her comfort now.  I used to pray desperately for her healing.  For a miracle.  Now I just want her to stop hurting. If leaving this world is the only way for that to happen, then so be it.

Thank you all for everything.