6 months

Every month, when the 7th rolls around, I get a little extra sad about my mom.  Today marks six months since she passed.  Six months since I saw her take her last breaths.  Six months since we sat on the back porch while they took her body away, then went back into a house that was eerily quiet without the sounds of her oxygen machine and her tv.  Six months.

It sounds like a long time.  But it feels like it was just yesterday.

I am lonely without her.  I have lots of friends.  I have my family.  But no one can fill the void that she has left.  She was the only person I actually talked to on the phone on a regular basis.  We talked almost everyday.  She used to annoy the hell out of me when she would call me, then have me wait while she finished a conversation with someone she was with, or a bank teller, or order in a drive thru.  I'd wonder why she didn't just wait to finish and THEN call me.  And of course I'd wait on hold forever if it meant I got to talk to her just one more time.

Today I sat in my car and listened to some of her favorite songs.  The Judds.  Eric Clapton.  I closed my eyes a conjured up the sound of her voice.  I thought about how much she would be hurting to know how much I am hurting.  How she always wanted to take my pain away.

I found this old photo of the two of us.  She was beautiful.  Even Drew thought so.  He asked who it was and I said, "Me and Gammy".  He said, "My Gammy???  She looks so pretty!"  Of course, he followed up with, "And you look pretty too... 'cept, I didn't know you was a boy baby"  Oh what I would give to tell my mom that story.  She would have laughed so hard, she loved that boy.  (all of them of course)

I love you mom.  I miss you everyday.  One day I will see you again.  I hope you are watching over us and seeing your boys grow, and you know all the stories that I can't tell you.